Supernanny under the microscope

Wendy Shepherd, Director of the Mia Mia Child and Family Study Centre

If nothing else, the hit reality TV show Supernanny has at least got everyone talking about parenting, says a Macquarie childcare expert.

Parents have responded with enthusiasm to Supernanny, which gives them permission to break the silence surrounding previously taboo issues of family dynamics, and seek help. How far should children’s difficult behaviour be allowed to go? Who decides about food, clothes and bed-times? Who leads the family - parents or children?

How Supernanny works

On the program a formidable British woman is each week called in to advise a chosen family on how to better manage their lives.

“She observes first how the family interacts,” says Wendy Shepherd, Director of the Mia Mia Child and Family Study Centre at Macquarie University. “This is a great strategy. She’s looking for issues of social justice within families. She works with them to achieve a result.”

Often, Supernanny Jo Frost recommends isolating a child who is behaving badly until everyone cools down.

“Appropriate behaviour is something you learn, just as you learn to walk and talk,’ says Shepherd. “Children must be given guidelines to make them feel secure and happy in the knowledge that the people who love and care for them are setting some limits. They need to be shown how to be responsible members of the family, to give love and respect as well as take it.”

Supernanny gives parents the confidence to believe they know something about child-rearing, that they have the necessary wisdom, knowledge and life experience. They may have become so emotionally entangled with a difficult child that they can’t see what is possible.

Within a tight time-frame, the program offers inspiring examples of how to proceed. It offers perspective and distance from problems which, up close, can seem insurmountable and yours alone. It can’t, however, hope to deal with all the complexities of coping over years of a child’s development.

“All these issues are now out in the open, partly as a result of media attention,” says Shepherd. “Previously families had been confused about whether they should have been setting limits and saying ‘no’ to their child, for fear of causing psychological harm. Now, they’re all talking about how they’re trying to deal with their children’s behaviour.”

Resources and responsibilities

Mia-Mia has for some time been running sessions with a family psychologist on how to help children become more resilient. The Centre also subscribes to a free parenting email newsletter produced by Michael Grosse (www.parentingideas.com.au), and has a good collection of books with advice on family support.

Shepherd says that parents are often struggling in a busy world with far too many responsibilities. So with their children, they might be over-compensating because they’re feeling guilty about the time spent away from them, at work.

“There’s not enough engagement with the very ordinary things in life: being together at weekends, tidying rooms, doing the washing,” says Shepherd. “In all these, children have rights and responsibilities. But many people are only giving children rights, not expecting them to be responsible as well.”

Shepherd says that after the sort of support offered by staff at the Centre and Supernanny, people are saying: “I’ve learnt to enjoy my children. For the first time in two years, we’ve been out together. I didn’t believe we could be as happy as this as a family.”

For more information, contact Wendy Shepherd at Mia-Mia, Child and Family Study Centre, at wendy.shepherd@mq.edu.au. The Australian Centre for Educational Studies Website is at www.aces.mq.edu.au

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